


show me the miles

by thanks_tacos



Series: don't care where you've been [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Dean Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Arranged Marriage, Caring Castiel (Supernatural), Confused Castiel (Supernatural), Dubious Consent, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Omega Dean, Past Abuse, Scared Dean Winchester, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, slight but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:08:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21522694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanks_tacos/pseuds/thanks_tacos
Summary: Dean's life is finally changing. After years of enduring Alastair's abuse, the alpha dies and Dean's married off to the next alpha the system pairs him with - Castiel. This is how their first day together goes.[you can read the rest of their story - them actually communicating, the healing, the fluff and way more frustrating miscommunication - in the long WIP i constantly work on,don't care where you've been. thanks]
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: don't care where you've been [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551229
Comments: 117
Kudos: 682





	1. Chapter 1

Dean gets up off the cot when a fist bangs on the door. Bam-bam-bam, like the sound of his heart, like he imagines the heavy church bells would ring if he was to have a ceremony like in the movies. 

But he's not. He's getting married today just like twenty years ago, in a small dark room in the Omega Center. 

The door opens and the guard throws a bag on the floor.

'Put it on. Ten minutes.'

The door closes again and Dean picks up the bag. It's a white rental suit; twenty years and nothing's changed. He quickly takes off the paper-thin pants and a similar shirt. They remind him of the blue scrubs nurses wear in hospitals. But he's so glad they gave him some clothes. It wasn't even cold at night, in this tiny room - more like a cell, but it was okay. They left him alone. He spent the first two days shivering on the cot, cause his mating bite still hurt, but no one bothered him, so it was fine. He had a physical on the third day, and he was very good, even when the doctor snapped at him for slouching too much to measure his height. He straightened his back and he tried very hard, and he got a _good job_ for his efforts, and it made him feel like he was glowing for the rest of the day. 

When he slept, Alastair stood in the corner. There was nowhere to hide; just the cot, a sink next to a metal toilet and a tiny window overlooking the street. Dean liked to look at the street, but at night, he wished the room were all dark so that he would not have to see his dead alpha again. The second night, he hid under the cot, but that was worse; he could see Alastair's legs, unmoving, but if he stared long enough, he started to believe that they slid an inch forward, and it freaked him out even more.

Alastair didn't speak at first, he just stood there smiling, eyes glowing; but Dean barely slept, and he couldn't get any shut-eye past eight, cause that was when he'd usually wake to prepare breakfast, for the past twenty years. The food he got here was always warm, which was great, and some of it was even tasty. He always kept a piece of bread under his pillow just in case they decided he was being bad and didn't feed him, but they always did. Three times a day, like clockwork, and Dean thanked the guard everytime, he was so grateful. 

On day five, he found out he was getting married the next day.

He expected it, but he still had to sit down and stare at the wall, shaking. What was he going to be like, his new alpha or beta? Or maybe it would be a she? Dean didn't think so, he was already too big for an omega, they probably paired him up with a guy so that there was at least a chance he wouldn't be taller. Dean didn't like it when he was taller; he was as tall as Alastair and he thought it riled him up sometimes. 

Whatever would happen, he was going to be good, he promised himself. He never knew how it would have turned out with Alastair, if he was a good omega from the start. He doesn't think anyone could be worse than Alastair, but he's not sure. He tells himself he's prepared, this time, he knows how to behave, and it'll be new so it can be better, but he doesn't believe it. He's terrified and he wishes he was back at the house, which terrifies him even more, because Alastair dying was the first good thing to happen to him in years.

Day six, he puts on the white suit and gets ready for his wedding. His hands tremble as he buttons up the vest and laces his shoes. There's no mirror, but he tries to comb his hair with his fingers. He had an obligatory shower in the morning, so he feels fresh, and that's definitely nice. 

He squares his shoulders and exhales, and waits at the door.

The guard comes in and gives the place a once-over. Dean knows it's fine; he folded the clothes, and the sheet, and even wiped the sink so that there were no drops of water in it. The guard doesn't say anything and just leads him outside, holding his arm in a tight grip, and Dean winces cause his elbow still hurts, even though it's been days since Alastair pushed him. 

He doesn't look around as they walk, just straight ahead. He vaguely knows the center, and what's there to see, anyway? Rows of identical doors leading to identical rooms, a white, brightly lit corridor... an elevator. Dean inches closer to the beta guard. He hasn't been mean so far, he's just doing his job, and such small spaces scare Dean and he flinches when the elevator goes down.

Another corridor, and he finds himself in the wedding room. It's empty save for the photographer's chair and the platform on which they'll exchange the vows. His new alpha stands at the altar, smoothing out his suit nervously, and Dean risks a look. He looks older, but not by much. He's handsome, dark messy hair, lean but muscular. Just as Dean stares at him, the alpha notices he's in the room and turns his head, and Dean drops his eyes. He doesn't want to see the disappointment - or disgust? - on the man's face.

The guard lets go of him and he walks up to the altar on shaky legs. He trips on the stairs up the platform but manages to keep his balance. When he looks up, the alpha is taking a step back, and Dean realizes he wanted to catch him. He looks unsure, now, kind of awkward, lowering his hands, but he smiles at Dean tightly when their eyes lock. He has blue eyes. Dean could do much worse. At least he's not getting married to a seventy year old, or some balding overweight asshole. This guy cleans up nice.

The officiant stands next to them, a beta, and starts reciting with no preamble. What preamble, Dean thinks, no one's there to hear it anyway. No friends or family to witness the "most important day in an omega's life". 

'Do you, Castiel Novak,' what the hell kinda name is that? Dean frowns. 'Take this omega to be your lawfully wedded mate and claim ownership to him?'

There's a slight pause and Dean can swear the man almost grimaces, but he says, 'Yes, I do.'

His voice is so deep, Dean feels a shiver down his spine, and it's not the good kind. The guy scares him, with his intense piercing gaze and the obvious reluctance to marry. It's no surprise he's not satisfied with the omega presented to him, but it's the law, he got selected. Not like he gets the short end of this stick, Dean thinks, irritated.

'And do you, omega, swear to serve this alpha, fulfill his expectations and bear his mark with gratitude and pride?'

'I do,' Dean replies instantly, his voice weak and hollow. He just wants this to be over. He thinks when he wakes up tomorrow, wherever he'll be, he'll allow himself five minutes of just laying there and resting before he has to face the new alpha, to make up for this. He thinks his heart is beating so hard, everyone must hear it. 

'Sign the documents,' the officiant says and hands a clipboard to Castiel. He takes the pen and signs his name on the dotted line, and then passes it to Dean. And Dean intends to do it quickly, he does; except his hand is shaking so much, he can't sign it. 

'Sorry-' he says, blood draining from his face and he waits for the alpha to hit him. But it's the officiant who sighs, annoyed, and gestures to the guard who comes over with a black baton. But Dean's not rioting, he _wants_ to sign, he wants to be good. 'Sorry, it's just, my hand-'

He can see the guard approach him from the corner of his eye, but his new alpha is frowning and he only has eyes for him. He holds out an arm and Dean flinches, but he just closes his hand over Dean's, and the touch is gentle. He gives him a soft smile, and up close Dean can smell him, and it's calming, he's not mad at all. Dean exhales slowly as the alpha holds his hand steady and they manage to sign his name together. He got lucky. Seems like this alpha isn't trigger happy and lets some things slide. 

'Thank you,' Dean breathes, and alpha smiles again. It's not as strained this time. 

'I pronounce you mates,' the officiant says and takes the document back. Castiel takes a ring out of the suit pocket, and he takes Dean's hand gently. He slides the ring in place. It's a cheap silver band, just like Dean's old one. Then, the alpha puts the gold one on himself. The officiant nods, apparently satisfied. 'You may kiss the omega.'

Castiel leans in and Dean tenses. He hates this moment; he waits for the violent possessive kiss, a new alpha laying claim to what's now his, but this alpha surprises him again. His lips are soft and the kiss is chaste, lips closed, it's like a peck. Dean stares at him, stunned. The alpha finds his hand and grips it tightly.

They're asked to pose for the obligatory picture, and then Dean's led out of the room by the guard.

'I'll be waiting outside,' the alpha calls out after him. That's kind of strange, taking the time to tell him, of course he'll be waiting outside. Maybe the alpha is really new to this. Maybe Dean's his first mate. 

The guard takes him to a small changing room. Dean remembers it from the first time around, and he prays that the weird alpha got him some pants, at least. He strips off the suit and hands it back to the guard, and then looks at the plastic bag with what his husband brought him. 

His heart calms some when he sees it's an actual shirt and jeans, and even underwear. He frowns picking it up, but that's great news. He puts it all on - even socks, which make him smile a little, cause they have a funny bear pattern on them. In fact, they look kinda worn out, and for a second Dean fantasizes that maybe they're alphas, not just from Goodwill, though he knows there's no way alpha would bring him his own clothes.

When he's done, he's fully clothed, and it all fits, and smells new. He gets a _jacket_ , and when he zips it up experimentally, it works. It feels like an armour and he's stupidly relieved that he got so much, even before he earned it. The collar comes last, and it's definitely new. It's kind of thin but sturdy, and Dean buckles it up, and tenses when he takes a breath and clears his throat, but it doesn't choke him at all.

The guard leaves, and Dean exits the room to find his new husband waiting on the other side. 

'Hello,' he says, and Dean frowns before staring at his feet, like he should. He knows this, now. Okay, he's a little scared (terrified) but he knows how to behave.

'Thank you very much for the clothes, alpha,' he says, respectfully.

'Oh, of course,' alpha replies, sounding dumbfounded. And then, after a pause, 'We should get going, now.' 

He stands there a moment longer, though, and it takes some strong will for Dean not to fidget in place. The guy's definitely weird. He finally turns and heads for the exit, and Dean follows him, a step or two behind. 

They have to check out at the main desk, and the secretary gives Castiel Dean's file. Dean gets a "wedding gift" in a small brown bag, and he knows it's lube. He got one before. Castiel doesn't look inside, nor does he ask him to hand it over. They leave the center and Dean takes a huge breath of the crisp morning air. It burns in his lungs cause it's cold, but he feels alive. 

'This is my car,' the alpha announces, pointing to a blue modern Toyota. 

Dean's not sure where to sit so he hovers uncertainly, but the alpha opens the passenger door for him and waits until he takes a seat. His ribs bother him so he straightens in the seat and makes sure the seatbelt doesn't dig in. He hides the lube in the glove compartment. Surely the alpha wouldn't want to use that. 

They drive in a totally awkward silence, even the radio is turned off. Dean tries to look out of the window surreptitiously, catching glimpses of the city and then the fields. But the drive is long, and about an hour in, the alpha stops at a gas station and clears his throat.

'We will travel for two more hours,' he says. 'Do you wish to use the facilities?'

Dean wonders for a second, but he doesn't wanna piss. He's hungry, though, and his stomach rumbles and he blushes furiously.

'No, thank you, alpha,' he replies. Castiel nods and gets out of the car. 

'Please wait here,' he adds before he closes the door, as if Dean was gonna go anywhere. 

Now he can stare, though. He looks around the car for any clues, but he sees nothing, no personal objects that would give him an idea of what's this alpha like. He checks the compartment that separates the front seats. There are tissues and an unopened bag of pretzels, and that's it. Dean sighs, this is useless. He busies himself with looking at the arriving cars, at the people that come and go. He tries very, very hard not to think about what's going to happen the moment he passes the threshold of the new house. Will the alpha become violent there? Will Dean be allowed outside, at all? God, he hopes he will. The only thing that excites him in this is the prospect of discovering a new city, seeing new buildings and places, taking the long way home from the grocery shop. That, and he hopes that maybe, this alpha won't be as violent. Just one degree less, or none of the sick satisfaction that Alastair got from controlling him, and Dean will be happy.

The new alpha - Castiel, Dean remembers - opens the door and gets in the car. There's immediately a mouth-watering smell of hot food, and Dean's not allowed to look but it's a true challenge to keep his eyes glued to the footwell, this time.

'Here,' the alpha says, and then clears his throat, again. Dean glances at his hands. He's holding a bagel with meat and eggs and cheese. 'This is for you.'

Dean swallows.

'I can eat that, alpha?'

'Yes. If you want to?'

'Yes, yes,' Dean grabs it, but hesitates. 'What can I do to thank you?'

There's a beat and he risks a glance at alpha's face. He looks completely confused, and smells like it, too.

'You don't have to thank me,' he finally says, slowly. 'Please just eat. I am aware that you're hungry.'

Dean blushes, again. So alpha heard his stomach. Maybe he got him a sandwich so that he doesn't have to endure it the rest of the way. 

The sandwich is glorious, though, as Dean devours it quickly, and he gets a bottle of water to go along with it. He only drinks half, because the alpha tells him to "Slow down or his stomach will hurt", and Dean gets it, _don't be so greedy or I'll punch you._ He leaves the bottle; he's still thirsty, but there's no point in risking getting beaten up - mentioned for the first time, by the way - only to drink more. Worst case scenario, there are always taps in the bathroom. 

Dean barely manages not to doze off, cause the road really is long and alpha doesn't speak, but he wasn't given permission. It's more exhausting than he expected, trying to be good, cause he doesn't know any rules here. 

They finally slow down when they enter a cozy neighbourhood full of medium-sized houses with nice lawns. More Pleasantville and less Silent Hill, Dean thinks with some relief. It's worse if he ends up somewhere he's scared to go out on his own, or if the house is a dump. But it's not. They stop in front of a pretty two-story house, and Dean's heart is thudding in his chest, cause this is it.

Castiel gets out of the car and Dean follows, staring at the ground, his hands clenched into fists. Alpha must smell how scared he is, though he tries to control it.

'Welcome home,' alpha states awkwardly, flicking the lights on. In the early dusk, Dean can see a hallway and then, a few steps ahead to the left, a huge living room separated from the kitchen by a table with stools a bench. There are stairs in front of the door, and Dean has a feeling that's where they're going.

'Are you hungry? Do you want a drink?' the alpha asks as he closes the door behind Dean. Dean does his best not to cower.

'No, thank you, alpha,' he replies quietly. 'Should I prepare dinner for you?'

'No,' Castiel shakes his head. 'I'm not hungry either.'

He stops and they stand in the hallway for a moment longer, the alpha's scent conflicted, Dean doesn't know what to name it.

'I think we should complete our mating, now,' alpha finally says. 'I will - show you to our bedroom?'

He voices it like it's a question, so Dean nods mutely, and takes off his shoes and the coat and the collar. Then, he's led upstairs, and there is a bathroom and a spacious bedroom with a king bed in the middle. It has a pretty comforter and Dean runs his fingers along it absently as the alpha turns around to open a drawer.

'This is for you,' he says, and Dean comes over to look. There are some more clothes, there. 

'I can wear that?' he asks. It's probably gonna be given to him if he's good, or something.

'Yes, of course. It's yours to wear around the house and outside.'

Huh. 

'Thank you very much, alpha,' Dean says, still wary, but so far, it's all looking - optimistic. 

'What do you think?'

Dean startles, and lowers his gaze.

'About what, alpha?'

'The - the house. Do you like it?' the alpha, Castiel, sounds - he sounds tentative. What does it matter if he likes it? Dean does, but he doesn't get these questions. Maybe the alpha likes to hear compliments, or something.

'Yes, it's very nice.'

'Good,' Castiel clears his throat. 'I will freshen up. Do you want to-?'

He doesn't finish the question, and God, this whole thing is so, so awkward.

'No, thank you, I took a shower at the center,' Dean replies politely. Castiel nods and disappears in the bathroom. 

Dean strips in the meantime, turns off the light and only leaves the night lamp on, and then takes off the comforter and folds it. The sheets are high quality, and so is the rest of the bedding. Dean hopes he gets to sleep in bed tonight. He sighs, willing his thoughts to leave his head, and presents.

It doesn't take long for the alpha to come back, and when he does, he stops in the doorway. Dean worries he did something wrong, but then Castiel rushes to him. 

The sex is... good. And the alpha does use lube he had at home to prepare him thoroughly, even though he slicks anyway, and that touch is so slow and nice, Dean loves it. He has to smother his face with his arm not to make any noises. Castiel even slides his palms down his scarred thighs, like he doesn't mind that he's so ugly, and it feels different from everything else, _good_ different. And then the rest of it - at first it feels bland, like a chore, and Dean's almost bored and just wants to go to sleep, but then - then the alpha seems to grasp the idea, somehow, and wow, then Dean does feel something. It actually takes a lot of effort not to ask to come. When alpha's done and they're tied, he waits for the man to sprawl all over him, but he doesn't.

Instead, he feels something wet press against his back, and it's hard to contain a flinch. It repeats, and he understands that he's being - kissed. Oh. Okay, he thinks he won't mind mating with this alpha.

'Are you alright?' the alpha asks in a low, gravelly voice. 

'Yes, alpha,' Dean replies. It's very kind of him to ask. 

'Is this place fine?' Castiel places his fingers on Dean's shoulder. Dean shrugs. Any place is fine. 'This may hurt a little, but I'll try to be gentle.'

The alpha leans in and bites him, hard, and Dean chokes on his tongue trying to stifle the scream but a pained sound still makes it past his lips. The pain fades almost instantly, though, and the bite burns pleasantly, instead, and it feels like his entire body is pulsing with it. It aches but it's a good ache, and Dean relaxes. This is his alpha, now. His scent becomes much more insistent, all of a sudden, as well. The smell of comfort and mate are dominating, and that's new, with Alastair it was more... stale, and cold, but this - this is warm, it makes him feel warm. 

The alpha kind of embraces him, hesitantly, and Dean wishes he could hug back, cause it's most likely a one time thing. He gets a couple more kisses, and then the alpha pulls out gingerly, and turns him around. 

'Choose any place you wish,' Castiel tells him and bares his neck, and Dean tenses up, nervous, because when he bit Alastair, he got smacked for doing it too hard. So he gently closes his teeth over the alpha's shoulder and bites, but it doesn't even break the skin. He can smell the alpha's confused and he feels like crying.

'I'm sorry-' he starts to say, but the alpha strokes his neck, and it's a soft touch. 

'It's alright. Just try a little harder, for me? Don't worry about hurting me. It's supposed to burn at first.'

Dean nods, blinking away the tears, and bites down again, consequences be damned. This time, he leaves a mark, and the alpha gasps, but then, a smile spreads across his face. Dean feels the ache again, like an echo, and that's it. They're truly bonded.

'We are mates, now,' the alpha says, like he's truly realizing that, as well. Dean nods. He's tired. Alpha must notice it, because he turns off the light.

'Alpha?' Dean asks in the darkness, cause the alpha is laying on one side and already starting to fall asleep. 'W-where should I sleep?'

'Oh,' Castiel raises his head and squints at him, and Dean stares at the sheets. _please say here please say here-_ 'Here? I mean, you may stay on your side, if you wish, that's why - that's a two-person bed.'

Right.

The guy's so weird, but he didn't hit him, not once, and he gave him clothes and a sandwich. That's already better than Alastair. Maybe it won't be too hard, getting used to living with another stranger, and maybe if he continues to be good, the alpha won't be so disappointed that he had to marry him.

'Thank you,' Dean tucks himself in gladly, so so happy cause the pillow is soft and so is everything else. As he falls asleep, he feels something he hasn't felt in years - a sliver of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back when i started writing dcwyb, someone suggested i should write how their wedding went.
> 
> i thought about it for months, and when i sat down to write it, i did it in roughly one day and i absolutely hate it. i waited so long to write it and it was not satisfying, it sucked no mater what i wrote, im so fuckin frustrated. this fic is past saving, i pissed-off finished it and i am posting it! so there you have it! like it, hate it, if you think it sucks, tell me, i will welcome it as i feel the same. 
> 
> if you're new to this series, try [dcwyb](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18521545?view_adult=true&view_full_work=true), aka a fic i actually like most of the time!


	2. Chapter 2

Dean wakes up suspiciously comfortable.

He doesn't open his eyes; he promised himself five minutes of peace in the morning, and he's getting them now. He can't sense if the alpha's awake yet, but he focuses on breathing slowly and mentally preparing for what the day's gonna bring. His first punishment, for sure. He's bound to fuck up a couple of times, no matter how hard he tries, because everything is new.

The house doesn't look too big. The living room combined with the kitchen, the door under the stairs - probably leading to a guest bedroom, or a study - the bedroom they're in now, and a bathroom. Hopefully nothing more. 

He doesn't know what this alpha likes to eat and drink, so he'll have to ask. As long as he remains calm and pliant and eager to please, everything should be fine. 

_everything's fine, dean,_ he tells himself, scrunching his eyes. _you're a good omega, and you can do it._

Doesn't stop him from smelling like fear, he can feel it. He also feels the alpha move on the bed, and sniff the air, so he opens his eyes.

He's greeted by the sight of the man, his husband - with strikingly blue eyes, and a frown on his face. He's staring at Dean and Dean immediately lowers his gaze. 

'Are you - alright?' the alpha asks, his voice raspy. 'Has something happened?'

The scent of fear only grows stronger, Dean can't help it. It seems that this alpha doesn't enjoy the smell of it, so he should distract him.

'I'm fine, alpha,' he replies, quietly. 'Can I, uh-'

He moves down the bed and gently uncovers the alpha. He's still sleepy so he doesn't react at first, and Dean supposes that he's just waiting for Dean to get on with it. He places his hands on the alpha's thighs and leans down to mouth at his soft cock, but -

'Oh!' the alpha _yelps_ , and pushes him away. Dean tumbles to the side and stares up at him, dazed. The alpha - _Castiel_ \- jumps out of bed and hurriedly puts on the boxers from last night.

'I - that is not - _necessary,'_ he stammers, avoiding Dean's eyes. 'Thank you, however, I - I apologize but I don't think I'm - interested, right now. Thank you, though. I'm sorry,' he finishes awkwardly, stumbling to the bathroom. Dean looks after him, confused as hell, but the alpha disappears in the corridor, and Dean's alone.

Why? Is he really so ugly? Dean looks down at himself. He's long stopped wondering what his body looks like, he knows he's scarred and thin but Alastair liked that. Dean puts a hand on his neck and hisses when he touches his new mating bite; it's a good kind of pain, though, almost turns to pleasure, but most of all, it feels like security. 

So maybe the alpha doesn't like his body. That's fine, Dean can still offer in the dark. Or maybe he's weird about sex. He really was freaked out. And he - he said he was _sorry_ , and he said _thank you._ Dean has a feeling his new alpha is really polite, even if strange.

Dean gets out of bed himself; he shouldn't be lounging. He aches after the night before and his elbow still hurts, so many days later, but he finds the clothes in the drawer. He looks between them and the clothes he got just yesterday. Maybe he should wear those for a while before he tries on anything new. Alpha might be displeased and take it away. 

Dean hesitates, looking at the things he was given. There's a pair of soft sweatpants. He runs his fingers over the fabric. He'd like to try them on; more fitting for housework than jeans, so maybe it's a good decision. He still worries, but the alpha doesn't come back to chastise him, so he picks some fresh underwear and the pants, and then, timidly, a T-shirt. Surely it's okay to cover up if the alpha is repulsed by his body? He puts them on the top of the drawer and makes their bed; he'll change the sheets later, but for now, the alpha should see that he wasn't being lazy. He folds alpha's clothes from last night, and decides to kneel next to the bed and wait.

Castiel comes back, then, wet and with a towel wrapped tightly around his waist. 

'Oh,' he says, as soon as he sees Dean. 'Please feel free to use the bathroom, I - I'll be downstairs.'

He leaves. He didn't even step into the room. This more frustrating than Dean expected, but that's fine, he'll deal.

He gets up and goes to the bathroom, carrying his new clothes. He's not sure if he's allowed to close the door, but he does it anyway. The uncertainty gnaws on him and by the time he exits the bathroom, he feels like he's going to throw up. He had to make so many decisions - using the shower instead of the sink, using a bit of warm water, using alpha's soap; drying himself with toilet paper instead of the towel, because he's not sure if it's for him; putting the nice clothes on. 

When he goes downstairs, the alpha is already dressed. He looks casual in a black T-shirt and fitting sweatpants. For a tiny moment, Dean daydreams about earning the privilege of sharing clothes with him, getting to smell _mate_ and _home._

'Good morning,' Castiel says, and smiles. Dean tries to return it. It feels odd. He doesn't remember the last time he smiled, and he thinks it comes out fake. 'Have you slept well? I apologize for my reaction, I wasn't prepared. What would you like to have for breakfast?'

What the fuck. Dean wrings his hands in distress. An alpha, in the _kitchen_.

'I can make breakfast, alpha,' he says, inching closer. 'I - I had - training. I know how to cook, I promise.'

'Oh, that's alright,' Castiel replies. 'If you prefer - I wasn't sure if you'd like to do it. I'm not much of a cook myself.' 

'Can you tell me what I should make?' Dean asks, stopping next to the fridge. The alpha nods eagerly.

'Of course,' he says. 'Here, I bought quite a lot of groceries, I wasn't sure what you like,' he opens the fridge and shows Dean the contents. There really _is_ a lot, and Dean instantly plans the meals he could make. 'I really like peanut butter. Most days, I just eat sandwiches for breakfast. I can't wake without a good coffee,' he chuckles, tensely, and Dean nods solemnly. The alpha stares at him for a moment longer, like he's waiting for a reaction, but Dean doesn't know what it should be. Castiel finally clears his throat, looking even more tense and nervous. 'Uh, so, that is all. Just - if you enjoy cooking, I would be very grateful for some sandwiches, and coffee. Black. There's a machine, and - I'm rambling. Perhaps you'd prefer to just look for yourself?'

Dean nods, relieved. 

'I shall leave you to it, then,' Castiel says, closing the fridge. 'There are cleaning products, under the sink. Please feel free to use everything you need.'

Dean thanks him, and the alpha disappears. He goes to the room behind the mysterious door, and Dean's left to his own devices, and he can breathe again. Clear instructions. Sandwiches, coffee, black.

He gives it his best. A plate full of neatly stacked, perfectly made sandwiches, and a big mug brimming with coffee. Dean wishes he could have some, but this is already good. He knows where to find cutlery and pots and pans, and there's enough food to feed a family for a week. 

His own stomach growls as he eyes the food, but he's not sure if he's allowed. He steels himself as he walks up to the door and knocks. It's not closed; the door opens when his fist hits it, and he stumbles back a step, lowering his head. He thinks it's a study, and Castiel was standing in the middle of it.

'I'm sorry,' Dean says, preemptively. 'I didn't mean to intrude. Breakfast's ready.'

He hears the steps and tenses up, his shoulders coming up to his ears. If he gets smacked now, the plate and the mug will shatter and he'll have more to pay for. He should've left it on the table, why is he such an idiot?

But Castiel only takes it from his trembling hands. 

'Thank you,' he says in a warm voice. 'You're shaking.'

'I'm sorry,' Dean repeats, wishing he had some control over his body, but he never does. It never bothered Alastair. 'I don't mean to.'

'Are you cold?' the alpha leads to the kitchen, and Dean follows, feeling high-strung and terrified. 

'No, alpha,' he assures. 'These clothes are amazing. Thank you for letting me wear them.'

There's a pause, and then Castiel says, 'Of course.' He sounds weird. Maybe Dean wasn't allowed to dress himself. Maybe it was a mistake. He wraps his arms around his stomach, praying that the alpha'll just let him leave, let him go clean or change the sheets or do anything else but stand there, looking like a failure.

'This looks delicious,' the alpha says, and sits down to eat. 'Did you eat already?'

'No,' Dean shakes his head, hands balling into fists. 

'Why not?' the alpha frowns. 'Dean, all this food is for both of us, alright?'

'Yes, sir,' Dean nods jerkily. 'Alpha.'

'Please, sit down,' the alpha makes him sit by the table. Dean perches on the edge of the stool, frightened. 'We can share, you made so much.'

 _made too much,_ Dean catalogues the mistake in his mind. Okay.

'That's probably why you're shaking. You must be hungry, and I think maybe yesterday, well - it was eventful, wasn't it?' the alpha pushes the plate in his direction. 'Please, eat.'

Why is he talking so much? He's talking like he's not used to it, and worse, like he expects answers. Dean doesn't know what kind of answers he should provide. He takes one sandwich in his hand, and still trembles pitifully as he raises it to his mouth.

It's good - course it is, he made it. He nibbles at it, wishing he were alone and he could tear into it instead. 

The alpha smells approving, though. Dean relaxes a little. Castiel starts eating and compliments the food. Good. One certain mistake, one possible mistake, but one small success. Dean tries to keep a tally, at least on the first day, so he knows what's the punishment for, and how much he has left later. 

The alpha doesn't speak again. They eat in horrible, loaded silence. Finally, after what feels like centuries, they're done and Castiel gets up. 

'Um,' he says. Dean glances up. 'If you need anything, please let me know. I - there's a credit card on the coffee table. There's money for groceries and errands. I work from Monday to Friday, so I'll be gone most of the time, and during the weekends, I should work in the study. There's not much to do, I'm afraid - is there anything you like to do?'

The question sounds almost hopeful, like he thinks Dean'll finally reply, and prove himself useful. This is Dean's time to shine.

'I like to cook, alpha,' he supplies obediently. 'I like to clean and take care of the house, and you.'

'Very well, I - sort of expected that,' Castiel replies. He matches alpha's expectations. He's going to be good. Dean feels relieved, and slumps in the chair. 'There isn't that much to clean around the house, but you might do the laundry if you're amenable, or get groceries. Would that suit you?'

_what?_

'Yes, alpha,' Dean nods, fighting a frown. 

'Do you have any questions?'

Thank _God_.

'Yes,' Dean says quickly. 'Are there rooms that are off-limits?'

'Absolutely not,' Castiel sounds mildly appalled. 'This is your house as well. If you like taking care of the house, feel free to explore and alter anything you desire.'

'Thank you,' Dean says. 'And am I allowed outside?'

'Yes, of course, just please be careful. I know some alphas harass omegas when they're out on their own. You may pay for the bus tickets with the credit card, if you wish to go to the city.'

'Thank you,' Dean repeats. This is amazing, so far. 'Can I have one more question?'

Castiel gestures for him to go on.

'Will there be... parties?' Dean hesitates, but this is the easiest way to ask, _do you have friends and will i be shared_. Alastair had so many friends over the years, and even when Dean learned how to act around Alastair, his friends often got offended for a multitude of different reasons.

'Parties?' Castiel furrows his brow. 'No, I don't think so. You'll find I'm not very social,' he chuckles, and it comes out a little sad. Good. No friends. Dean's happy. This is so much better than he expected.

'Thank you, alpha,' Dean says at the end, just in case. 

'I have to go work in the study, now,' Castiel says. 'If you need anything, please just knock on the door. And if you're hungry, eat whatever and whenever you want.'

Five hours later, Dean's cleaned the entire house and he's starting to get bored. The alpha left somewhere a while ago; Dean's watched the car drive away through the window. He feels lonely and scared, but not as much as before. He sits down on the couch, reveling in the feeling of being warm and having a full stomach. His elbow still bothers him, though. He looks for cameras and doesn't think there are any, so after a moment's consideration, he goes to the freezer and takes out a bag of ice, and puts it to his elbow. It numbs the pain in a minute, and it's wonderful. Dean stands there, ice melting slowly and water dripping on the floor.

He got so lucky, but he misses Alastair. He doesn't know how he feels, now that he's gone. Is this where he'll spend the rest of his sorry life? With this strange, awkward alpha? But he's polite, and fair. He hasn't punished Dean for anything, yet. Maybe he's just lenient, or maybe Dean's doing well so far. If anything, it's a change, right? Right. Still, Dean kinda wishes Alastair would walk through the door, and tell Dean to prepare dinner. Back at their worn out, gray house, where Dean intimately knew every corner. He misses the blue and grey mugs he kept in the cupboard. Misses the floormat that was a bitch to clean; he did it with a brush, getting into all crevices until it looked good as new. Even misses the view from the floor next to Alastair's bed. The light would stream through the small window, and in the summer, the sun would reach his bare legs and warm them. Dean liked those mornings; he could just lie there for a while, prepare for the day, with Alastair snoring next to him. He could almost pretend they were sleeping together, and he felt safer. 

The new alpha is kinder, but he's stranger. Both cause he's unfamiliar and cause he's weird. Still, Dean should be open-minded, he thinks. He doesn't have any choice but to be here, and of course he'll try to be good, but maybe he could also try to... enjoy, this change. If anything, it's two days now that he's gone without being hurt.

The keys jingle in the lock and Dean snaps out of it, and stuffs the bag of ice back in the freezer. The floor is wet, though, and he fumbles for a paper towel and the alpha finds him on his knees, wiping it up.

'Oh,' he says, noticing Dean, and stops in the hallway. 'What happened?'

'I spilled some water, alpha, I'm so sorry,' Dean rushes out, and Castiel comes closer, his black shoes appearing before Dean's eyes. Dean cringes, bracing for a kick. He hopes it's not under his jaw cause then he could lose his tee-

'Here, let me help,' the alpha says, and kneels down, and Dean's fucking _terrified._

'No!' he exclaims, and grabs alpha's wrist, stopping him from taking the towel. They both freeze, and Dean thinks he's about to die, heart pounding in his chest. He releases alpha's hand. 'I- I'm so sorry,' he stutters, ducking his head. 'I'll do it. I'm sorry, alpha, please.'

'Hey, it's alright,' the man replies, holding out a hand, and Dean flinches away from it, into the cupboard. The alpha drops his arm and when Dean glances up at him, he looks sad and frustrated. His brow is furrowed and his nose wrinkled, and Dean realizes his scent is pure fear, again. He knows this alpha doesn't like it, now, but he's not very good at concealing it, not when he's panicking. 

'I'm sorry,' he breathes, forcing himself to go back to his knees. He should've let the alpha hit him, he shouldn't have backed away. 'Sorry, I'll fix it, I swear.'

His new pants are getting soaked with ice water. The alpha looks at him for a bit longer, worrying his lip between his teeth.

'I just wanted to help,' he says. Dean retains eye contact with the floor, and nods quickly. The alpha gets up, finally, and leaves Dean to it. Dean wipes the floor, and then wipes it again, just in case, even though the tiles are dry already. The alpha reemerges from the hallway, his coat and shoes gone, and attempts a smile. When's the punishment? Dean stands next to the fridge, curled in on himself. The elbow wasn't worth all this mess.

'I thought we could prepare dinner,' the alpha says, stopping next to the kitchen island. He rolls up his sleeves. Dean doesn't know what this means.

'I can make it, alpha,' he replies. 'What would you want to eat?'

He already planned as many meals as he could, knowing the contents of the fridge. 

'I think I'd like to eat some pork chops,' Castiel muses. 'With potatoes. What about you?'

Dean swallows, his hands flex at his sides.

'I - I would like to eat. Please.'

Castiel gives him another odd look. Dean's devastated. What is he doing wrong?

'I told you, you'll never go hungry here,' the alpha says slowly. 'Of course you'll eat.'

Dean exhales. So why'd he ask? Maybe it was a test. 

'Thank you,' he replies, and opens the fridge to have something to do. He takes out all the ingredients; the meat, the oil, the eggs. He could probably fry zucchini. He feels the alpha's stare on his back, so he keeps his eyes lowered. Suddenly, the man is right behind him, and he touches his shoulder. Dean stiffens. Okay, so alpha's horny _now_? But before he pushes back against his body, ass to alpha's cock, alpha just reaches over his shoulder and lifts something in the fridge.

'I didn't buy corn,' he says, sounding disappointed. He steps away. Dean's puzzled. So it wasn't about sex after all. 'Could I ask you to go to the shop and purchase it? I really crave it today.'

It takes a moment for Dean's disoriented brain to catch up. 

'Yes!' he almost exclaims, relieved as _fuck_ to get out of the house and be useful. 'Of course. I'll just - may I put on the jeans?'

'Yes, and please take the coat. Don't forget about the collar,' the alpha says, and goes to fetch the wallet. Dean practically runs upstairs and changes quickly. When he's back in the hallway, Castiel hands him the wallet and watches him closely as he secures the collar around his neck.

'Just corn?' Dean asks.

'Yes, two cans, please,' Castiel looks a little - sheepish. 'And if you get thirsty on the way, or hungry, or find that you need anything, buy it as well.'

'Thank you,' Dean actually smiles at that. Alpha mirrors it gingerly, like he's not sure if he's allowed to smile. They stare at each other for a beat. Castiel's nice, Dean decides. There's no malice on his face, in his eyes. Dean doesn't know what he did to deserve the treat, but it makes him feel more confident.

He leaves the house and realizes he's not sure where to go. City this big, though, there have to be many supermarkets around. He just walks down the street, relishing in feeling unrestricted and unobserved. He doesn't have to guard his movements, his facial expressions, control if his eyes are on the ground or on the various houses he passes by. One of the neighbours has a cool vintage Dodge, and Dean slows down to look through the window. He's outside on his own for the first time in a week, and it feels amazing.

It is pretty warm, though, but alpha told him to wear the jacket so he's not gonna take it off. He's happy when he finally spots a sign that claims he's nearly reached the shop. It's a big market, and crossing the parking lot, Dean starts feeling anxious again. There will be many alphas inside, a lot of danger. His hand wanders to his collar, fingers running across the smooth surface. It's so comfortable, Dean can almost forget he's wearing it. He hesitates for a moment, but then he tightens the buckle. It's a little hard to breathe, now, but it's digging into his skin and he can remember he's protected, all the time.

The inside of the store is air-conditioned. Dean goes to the canned food aisle and picks affordable - but not too cheap - corn. Then, he stops before shelves upon shelves filled with drinks. He can get _anything_ , alpha said. Not too expensive, sure, but still, there's so much to choose from. He's torn between a really cool looking lemonade and a simple coke, and he takes them in hand, corn balanced precariously between his forearm and chest. 

The lemonade could be great, but it could also taste like shit. Coke's a safer investment. Dean decides to go with what he knows - no idea if he'll ever get a chance to choose again. 

Suddenly, it makes him so deeply sad, he just stares at the lemonade bottle he put back on the shelf. He didn't think about those things when he was with Alastair, but now, he's - mad? No, that's not it. Helpless? It just strikes him that it's possible that he'll never get to go to a shop and pick his own drink again. The next time he's facing this kind of choice, he might be seriously old, like, in his eighties, with grey hair and stiff joints. He might stand in front of a shelf and remember this exact moment, the rare moment when he was given a slice of freedom.

It terrifies him. The idea that he'll be eighty and the forty years in between will be just like the past twenty. It terrifies him that his entire life could be like that, serve dinner, serve in bed, clean the house, repeat, that he's going to depend on an alpha forever. He's known that before, he doesn't know why it hits him now, but it does. His life is just a whole bunch of nothing, with a handful of seconds that stand out, like this one. A choice between a lemonade and a coke. It's so fucking pathetic, Dean grabs the extra bottle from the shelf, and, holding it tightly, heads to the checkout. It's only cause he used to live like an alpha, he thinks, angry at dad for ever making him feel like he'd get to choose what to do with his own life. Alastair taught him, and he's good now. The rules are easy. An alpha tells him what to do, and he does it, and he gets praised or he doesn't get beaten. The coke is a gift, and he should be fucking grateful he gets to have it at all. He was. He was grateful, he's gotten greedy when he saw all the options, and he wants to cry when he leaves the shop with both the coke and the lemonade. His throat is dry, he wants a drink, but he stands outside, under the supermarket's glass canopy, and he can't do it.

He throws the lemonade away, uncapped and all. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't regret it, he only regrets spending alpha's money, but now that it's in the trash, Dean can finally breathe and his heart stops beating so loudly. He waits until his hands stop shaking, and drinks some of the coke. That's okay. He's earned that. It tastes really awesome, too, and he exhales slowly. He fixed it. Everything's okay, now. 

The road back is much nicer. The amount of money he's spent still nags at him, if alpha checks, he'll know he spent a lot on the drink. But he feels like he's made the right decision, even if he almost slipped up. He feels lighter, cause he knows that in the end, faced with a selfish choice, he's been good. Thank god for Alastair's training. It was really hard, but now Dean has an idea what to do, how to proceed, and best of all, if he's trying, it makes him feel good. Being an omega is like a job, and he was presented with an intricate education. He should stop doubting himself. The new alpha didn't punish him so far because he's doing good. Alastair just expected the best of the best, and his new mate is more forgiving. Really, Dean should be glad.

By the time he reaches his new home, he really is. Castiel's sitting on the couch when he enters, doing something on his laptop. When Dean comes into the living room, he startles a little.

'Oh,' he says. 'You're back, that was quick.'

 _quick is good,_ Dean tells himself, fighting not to take alpha's words for another scold. _quick is efficient._

'I got a coke,' he strains to admit, handing alpha the wallet. 'It was sorta expensive.'

It's not good to lie, but it's better to lie than to say he's bought two drinks like he's made of greed. It's not like he profited from it, so the lie doesn't leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

'That's alright,' Castiel dismisses it, though, apparently without a thought. He takes the corn from Dean. 'Do you wish to cook on your own?'

'Whatever you think is best, alpha,' Dean bows his head, but he hopes he'll be left alone. He must smell anxious, cause the alpha looks a bit sad, a bit awkward, and he only nods.

'Very well, I'll be - in the study,' he says, and retreats like in the morning. If he weren't an alpha, Dean'd think he was escaping.

The rest of the day is good. Dean cooks, and as always, it helps him relax. He focuses on the dishes, and halfway through, Castiel comes back and sits on the couch to watch the news, but he doesn't bother Dean and doesn't control what he's doing. Finally, they eat dinner together, and alpha tells him to divide it into two equal helpings. Jesus, Dean doesn't even remember when he'd last eaten so much. 

'Thank you for cleaning the house,' Castiel mentions. 'And your cooking is outstanding.'

Dean smiles softly, and he blushes a little, he can't help it. This alpha is so kind! 

'I'm glad you like it, alpha,' he replies. He thinks Castiel wants to say something more, ask about something, maybe, but he doesn't. He offers Dean another nervous, tight-lipped smile and that's it.

Dean washes the dishes, and then the alpha lets him sit on the couch to watch whatever's on TV. Dean's very cautious not to sit too close, or move too much. He doesn't want to disturb the alpha; he appears to be working on his laptop, only glancing at the TV from time to time. He must have some really important job. Dean realizes he's looking forward to the evening sex; it will be nice to be touched again. The alpha might even kiss him like before. Dean glances at his lips from the corner of his eye. They're nice lips. 

The night is a disappointment, though. Dean presents, feeling slightly excited for the first time in forever, but the man just slips into bed next to him and places a hand on his hip.

'I'm really tired today,' he says, sounding gentle but tight, somehow. 'Can we postpone this?'

Postpone it, Dean thinks, like it's a goddamn work meeting. For a flash, he thinks maybe he should make space for himself in Castiel's calendar, but that thought disappears instantly. What is he doing, complaining about not having sex? 

'Sure,' he replies, and lies down. The alpha covers him with the duvet, that's really nice, almost like being tucked in. His hand brushes Dean's collarbone and Dean shudders. Did he look forward to it, or just to pleasing alpha? He doesn't know. All he knows is that yesterday, he was actually horny when they fucked, and the soft touches made him treat this like less of a chore and more of a... well. Something more.

'Good night,' Castiel says. 

'Night,' Dean whispers in the dark. He can't sleep for a long time, afraid that Alastair will come get him like he did at the center. Just stand in the corner, smelling like burnt flesh, looking extra crispy. So instead, Dean reflects on the events of the day. It was a successful day. He lets himself entertain the possibilities that come with living as Castiel's mate. Fitting clothes depending on the weather. Exploring the neighborhood. Eating full meals, and snacking on things when alpha's gone. Watching the TV with him, sometimes. Taking the bus to see more of the city.

And maybe, getting to make a choice, at least one more time. It's that hope that lets him finally fall asleep, with a lighter heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im supposed to be writing for eldritch bang (my first bang ever!) or the witch!cas fic but i wrote more angsty dcwyb. what a fucking surprise.
> 
> it's nice to see how far they've come from this moment! let me know what you think about this snippet from the past! :) thx for reading.


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